its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
