Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
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