So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
