quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
