Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
