Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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