dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
25 Porn Addicts Admit Their Biggest Pet Peeves
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.