Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
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She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
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if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got