I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.