We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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