How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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