VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
