John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
