man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
