Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Randomize
