At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
