Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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