What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
