I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
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you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
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I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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