Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
