just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
So much rum. So many feels.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
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