I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
