Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
