I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
