i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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