you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
