peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
