is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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