Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
