hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
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