Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
soo... how was my night?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
