Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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