I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
