Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I have tasted many bathrooms
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
