i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Randomize
