so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Randomize
