Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
