I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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