There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
