it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
