I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
