If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
