Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
