I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
It's never too late to be topless.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
