Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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