I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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