Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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