He disabled his match.com account in front of me
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
