1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
