his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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