paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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