Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
