if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
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Need sex. Gaining weight.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize