Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize