Duck Duck Cougar?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Randomize
