how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
