This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
