You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
