so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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