this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
