girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
