Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
