I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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