Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Randomize
