my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
