hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
