I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
