ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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