so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
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