I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
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