ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Enjoy the penises
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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