Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
